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Harry Potter is your new Jesus

Author’s Note: Hello, friends! My name is Grace Ann. I’m new to this whole fanfiction thing; but recently, I’ve encountered a problem that I believe this is the solution to. My little ones have been asking to read the Harry Potter books; and of course I’m happy for them to be reading; but I don’t want them turning into witches! So I thought….. why not make some slight changes so these books are family friendly? And then I thought, why not share this with all the other mommies who are facing the same problem? So-Ta da! Here it is! I am SO excited to share this with all of you! So, without further ado-

And IT. IS. MAGIC!

"Christians are people who want to be good," Hagrid explained wisely; and crouched down so he was on eye level with Harry. "We want to go to heaven after we die. Do you know what heaven is, Harry?"

Harry shook his head; and his big eyes were wide and curious.

"Heaven is a beautiful place where we can be with God."

Aunt Petunia smacked her hands over Harry’s young ears; and her voice was sickly sweet when she said, “Thank you very much for your concern, sir, but he does not need your religion, he has science and socialism and birthdays. Haven’t you heard of Evolution? I have a very good textbook on Evolution that I could give you on it if you would like to learn things.”

Hagrid laughed wisely. “Evolution is a fairytale. You don’t really believe that, do you?”

"Yes, I do!" Aunt Petunia screeched.

"Well then prove it!"

Aunt Petunia could only stare at him; and her big mouth hung open dumbly. Here she thought she was so educated; and always demanded that Christians prove what they believed in; but she couldn’t even prove her own religion. It was then that Harry knew who the smart one here was!

"Tell me how to get to this heaven place!" Harry cried wistfully, clasping his hands together. Sometimes, the wisdom of little ones is really amazing. We think we grownups know it all; but then God speaks through the mouths of little ones; and shows us how we are all mortals struggling along the path of life. Humility.

"All you have to do is be saved. Do you want to be saved?"

"I do, I do!" Harry squealed, jumping up and down.

"Then pray the sinner’s prayer!"

There is SO. MUCH. MORE.

Have you ever met that funny, funny reefer man?

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Seattle’s elected prosecutor says he’s dropping all tickets issued for the public use of marijuana through the first seven months of this year, because most of them were issued by a single police officer who disagrees with the legal pot law.

In a briefing to the City Council on Monday, City Attorney Pete Holmes said he is moving to dismiss approximately 100 tickets issued by the Seattle Police Department between Jan. 1 and July 31. His office also said it would be seeking a refund for those who have already paid their $27 ticket.

Through the first six months of the year, a single officer wrote about 80 percent of the tickets, addressing some of them to “Petey Holmes” or writing that he considered the pot law “silly.”

The officer, Randy Jokela, is now under official investigation by the department’s Office of Professional Accountability.

In one ticket, the officer wrote that he found two people smoking marijuana and made them flip a coin to decide which person would be cited.

"(Suspect) lost the coin flip so he got the ticket while the other person walked. (Suspect) was allowed to keep his pipe," the ticket reads.

Meet the moderator of the next Toronto mayoral debate. Yeah, this guy.

A Toronto mayoral debate next week will be moderated by the lead singer of F*cked Up. Real fact

Damian Abraham, the oft-shirtless frontman for the acclaimed hardcore punk band, will preside over the ArtsVote debate on arts and culture at the TIFF Bell Lightbox at noon on Sept. 29.

Frontrunners John Tory and Olivia Chow have confirmed their attendance, organizers say, as have longshots Ari Goldkind and Morgan Baskin. Doug Ford (Open Doug Ford’s policard) has been invited but has not confirmed.

Abraham, an articulate medical marijuana user and advocate, has described himself as left-leaning. He has hosted the now-defunct MuchMusic show The Wedge and contributed to a late-night show on Fox News, the conservative U.S. station.

This is not the helmet/lamp you are looking for

You want an Imperial Stormtrooper stained-glass combination helmet/lamp, right?

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The helmet was made with quite a few sheets of glass, some rolls of copper foil, 5-6 1lb spools of solder, and a touch of blood, sweat, and tears. Ok, I didn’t quite make it to the tears. Each piece of stained glass was cut by hand. The final piece count was over 501. Nice number, right?! 521 to be exact. After the glass was cut, the edges were ground down and each piece was wrapped in copper foil. I then soldered the pieces together, gave the helmet a good cleaning, patinated the solder black, and finally gave everything a nice waxing to polish the metal and make the glass shine! This piece has also been signed and dated.

The helmet itself measures approximately 12 x 12 x12 (inches). Included with the table lamp is a wooden base and a 6 foot lamp cord with a candelabra snap-in socket, rocker switch, and bulb. 40 watt bulbs are the maximum recommended.

Gonna cost you $3,100.

Nerd.

Polly Bergen, star of ‘Cape Fear’ dies at 84

Emmy-winning actress and singer Polly Bergen, best known for playing a terrorized wife in the classic 1962 thriller “Cape Fear” alongside Gregory Peck and Robert Mitchum, died Saturday, her publicist said. She was 84.

Bergen, who was honored with Emmy and Tony Awards during her acting career, died at her home in Connecticut, spokeswoman Judy Katz said in a statement.

“It is with great sadness that we announce the passing of legendary actress and long-time friend and client, Polly Bergen,” the statement said.

“She died peacefully at her home in Southbury, Connecticut this morning, surrounded by her family and close friends.”

I Was A Bride of Christ Baby-Making Machine

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Whenever I talk about my escape from the Quiverfull movement, Christians immediately dismiss my experience by saying, “Your problem was not with Jesus or Christianity. Your problem was that you were following an extreme, legalistic cult. Let me tell you about my personal relationship with Jesus.” It can be extremely frustrating. I was in a close, personal relationship with Jesus for over 25 years. But rather than telling you about the beginning of my relationship with this man, I am going to spare you the long story and skip straight to the break up.

The end of my life as a “Bride of Christ” came after a visit to Bright Horizons, which is the local domestic violence shelter in my hometown of Norfolk, Nebraska. I went there for help in filing a restraining order against my husband, whose emotional and mental abuse against me and my children had escalated to the point that I was in the midst of a complete mental and physical breakdown. He had taken 6 of our 7 children to a town three hours from our home and was preventing me from having any contact with them unless I agreed to his terms for our “reconciliation.”

Read more….

Roger Goodell is now the Tim Tebow of NFL commissioners

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Not NFL material.

Teddy Brushi on ESPN:

As long as Roger Goodell is leading the NFL and he’s the face behind the shield, you will have the same emotions you had today watching this press conference. Listening to him speak in circles, wondering, ‘Man, what is this guy talking about?’

So as you continue and move forward and Roger Goodell is the commissioner, you will continue to feel that way every time you see him. In my personal opinion, being a former player that spent 13 years in this league trying to the the right thing, I want a new commissioner to lead my league. I want a new commissioner to go out there and say the right things and be that leader because right now, Roger Goodell is not that and I don’t think he can ever be that.

Roger Goodell needs to step down and move on.

From Captain Beefheart to Olivia Newton-John

 

Like just about any TV series that made heavy use of original music during its run, ‘WKRP in Cincinnati’ has faced a thorny thicket of licensing problems in the home video era, and for the show’s previous rights holders, it was simply too expensive to put those episodes on DVD with their soundtrack intact. That all changes, however, with the Oct. 28 release of ‘WKRP in Cincinnati: The Complete Series.’

Presented for the first time in all its musical glory, the 1978-82 sitcom about the lovable gang of misfits at a struggling radio station is receiving the deluxe box treatment courtesy of Shout! Factory, where staff have worked diligently behind the scenes to secure the rights for a long, long list of classic cuts. Although they weren’t successful in every instance — as the company admits on the box’s product page, “in a few cases, it was simply impossible” — they really did come pretty close,


Band listing can be found here.

Deputy Dawg Trey Gowdy is darn tootin’ gwine’a snuffle out dem Benghazi evildoers

The Republican chairman of a special House panel on Benghazi charted a course Wednesday for his investigation to stretch deep into a 2016 presidential election that former Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton seems likely to enter.

Rep. Trey Gowdy of South Carolina vowed to pursue the facts wherever the lead him. Opening his committee’s first public hearing since its establishment four months ago, he stressed the thoroughness of the task ahead, not the need to reach immediate conclusions.

"Given the gravity of the issues at hand, I am willing to risk answering the same question twice rather than risk not answering it once," said Gowdy, a former federal prosecutor leading Congress’ eighth investigation of the deadly Sept. 11, 2012, attack in eastern Libya.

[…]

Seven previous congressional investigations failed to settle the matter.

Under cover of darkness, NFL Vikings back the hell up on Peterson

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Released at 2AM:

(CNN) — Running back Adrian Peterson will not play again for the Minnesota Vikings until his legal issues are resolved, the team said early Wednesday.

Peterson has been placed on the NFL’s Exempt/Commissioner’s Permission list, which will require that Adrian “remain away from all team activities.”

Peterson, who was kept out of Sunday’s game against the New England Patriots, turned himself in to East Texas authorities Saturday, two days after an indictment alleged the 29-year-old father did “recklessly or by criminal negligence cause bodily injury” to his son, a felony.

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