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Under cover of darkness, NFL Vikings back the hell up on Peterson

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Released at 2AM:

(CNN) — Running back Adrian Peterson will not play again for the Minnesota Vikings until his legal issues are resolved, the team said early Wednesday.

Peterson has been placed on the NFL’s Exempt/Commissioner’s Permission list, which will require that Adrian “remain away from all team activities.”

Peterson, who was kept out of Sunday’s game against the New England Patriots, turned himself in to East Texas authorities Saturday, two days after an indictment alleged the 29-year-old father did “recklessly or by criminal negligence cause bodily injury” to his son, a felony.

Banker shoots and kills corgi puppy. Feel free to begin hating him, Internet

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A “prominent” Washington state banker who became enraged by a barking dog reportedly tried to kill the animal in front of its owners but shot the wrong dog, KIRO reported this week.

According to The Bellingham Herald, 55-year-old David William Latham had heard a dog barking for hours on Sept. 13 so he grabbed a rifle and walked across the street to where the dogs were confined in a neighbor’s fence.

Loyce Andrews told the paper that her dogs did not know Latham, and ran to the fence when he approached. She said that Latham fired a single round into one of the dogs’ chests without uttering a single word. He then turned around to walk home.

Take The Last Train To Galtsville

The last installment of Atlas Shrugged III: Never Mind Who John Galt Is, Where The Hell Is The Audience? has been released.

Whatcha’ guys think of it?:

We get it, we get it: Capitalism is good, government is bad.

But “Atlas Shrugged: Who Is John Galt?” is worse.

The third film in the trilogy based on Ayn Rand’s novel once again — as it has for all of the movies — recast almost all the roles and swapped directors. Evidently James Manera, who also contributed to the screenplay, was hired for his complete and utter lack of subtlety.

Nice hammer, dude. Whack me over the head again, would you?

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The sex scene almost makes it worth sitting through Atlas Shrugged III, the last and least of the cheapjack adaptations of Ayn Rand’s brick-thick celebration of taking your ball and going home. About an hour in, after she’s toured and left the hidden Colorado enclave of the captains of industry who have “gone Galt” and dropped out of our ungrateful society, heroine Dagny Taggart (Laura Regan) faces one of the great train-scheduling crises that are forever cocking up life in Rand’s retro-future choo-choo America.

The pre-coital drama plays like a story problem from homeschool math class: Facing a food shortage, the useless East Coast needs trains full of grain from the heartland, but the corrupt federal government has nationalized the railroads. (Thanks, N0bummer!) Meanwhile, a signal failure cripples train service throughout the famed Taggart Terminal, and only Taggart Transcontinental Chief Operating Officer Dagny has the smarts/gumption to straighten the situation out. How to get the trains through? Displaying the sort of genius that the gifted too often allow their lessers to benefit from, Dagny dispatches workers bearing lanterns to signal to oncoming trains, an idea that apparently could have occurred to no other living person.

One of the workers, the sexy un-impoverished-looking one, catches her eye. It’s John Galt (Kristoffer Polaha), the Harlequin Romance hunk who runs that VIP colony in the Rockies and has also invented a magic energy source that he won’t share with the world because he hates minimum-wage laws. He’s flirted with Dagny before, back in the log-homes and farmers’ markets of his free-market paradise, but only now do they admit their attraction. They sneak off together, bodies a-throb with the excitement of transportation-system management, and the movie is briefly wonderful. After some 30 seconds of close-ups of backs and bras and lips, Atlas Shrugs III cuts from the coupling to the funniest thing that it possibly could: one of those lantern-bearing signalmen actually guiding a train into a tunnel.

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When a franchise’s acting, directing, writing, cinematography, effects and music are this terrible, utter lack of competence trumps political ideology

To find fault with the “Atlas Shrugged” franchise because of its politics is like complaining about “Birdemic” because it gets the ornithology wrong. Why dwell on the details when there are giant, embarrassing flaws staring you in the face?

Ahem:

RIP Tony Auth, Pulitzer Prize-winning editorial cartoonist

Pulitzer Prize-winning editorial cartoonist Tony Auth, whose sharp and creative commentary appeared in The Philadelphia Inquirer for more than 40 years, died of cancer on Sunday. He was 72.

Auth had worked for the past two years as the artist-in-residence at NewsWorks/WHYY, which announced his death.

"Tony Auth was a great cartoonist, a fine journalist and an even better friend," said Chris Satullo, WHYY’s vice president for news and civic engagement. Satullo previously served as the Inquirer’s editorial page editor, where he also worked with Auth.

Family members told the Inquirer that Auth had been battling brain cancer and recently went into hospice care.

Auth worked at the Inquirer for 41 years starting in 1971. He won the Pulitzer for editorial cartoons in 1976 and was a finalist twice after that.

Jonah Goldberg: Deep Thinker

Blake Houdshell asks a question:

Jonah replies:

It’s a good thing NRO snapped Jonah up early. That kind of wit doesn’t come along everyday….

Adrian Peterson: Monster

The child NFL player Adrian Peterson beat was 4-years-old:

The “whooping” – as Peterson put it when interviewed by police – occurred in Spring, Texas, in May. Peterson’s son had pushed another one of Peterson’s children off of a motorbike video game. As punishment, Peterson grabbed a tree branch – which he consistently referred to as a “switch” – removed the leaves and struck the child repeatedly.

The beating allegedly resulted in numerous injuries to the child, including cuts and bruises to the child’s back, buttocks, ankles, legs and scrotum, along with defensive wounds to the child’s hands. Peterson then texted the boy’s mother, saying that one wound in particular would make her “mad at me about his leg. I got kinda good wit the tail end of the switch.”

Peterson also allegedly said via text message to the child’s mother that he “felt bad after the fact when I notice the switch was wrapping around hitting I (sic) thigh” and also acknowledged the injury to the child’s scrotum in a text message, saying, “Got him in nuts once I noticed. But I felt so bad, n I’m all tearing that butt up when needed! I start putting them in timeout. N save the whooping for needed memories!”

In further text messages, Peterson allegedly said, “Never do I go overboard! But all my kids will know, hey daddy has the biggie heart but don’t play no games when it comes to acting right.”

According to police reports, the child, however, had a slightly different story, telling authorities that “Daddy Peterson hit me on my face.” The child also expressed worry that Peterson would punch him in the face if the child reported the incident to authorities. He also said that he had been hit by a belt and that “there are a lot of belts in Daddy’s closet.” He added that Peterson put leaves in his mouth when he was being hit with the switch while his pants were down. The child told his mother that Peterson “likes belts and switches” and “has a whooping room.”

NFL: you have a problem….

Delightful minivan-driving soccer mom teaches conflict resolution skills to adorable child

After she angrily pulled aside Arakaki’s car and yelled at him, she sped off the next stop sign, where she promptly stopped her vehicle, stuck her arm out the window, and flipped Arakaki off.

While stopped, Ong continued to shout abuse Arakaki until he honked his horn, at which point she exited her vehicle and approached his.

“You think you’re so fucking funny?” she asked. “When you cut me off, I almost fucking wrecked you asshole! Film that!” she shouted, before attempting to grab Arakaki’s phone.

[…]

"Fuck off, you fat ass! Fatty! I’ll fuck you up! Fat ass!” As Arakaki drove up, Ong sang, “Go fat boy, go fat boy go! Go fat boy, go fat boy go!”

Drunk Dynasty: The Rumble In The Tundra

Area woman and family get in drunken contretemps, fists fly, noses bleed

“There’s some sort of unofficial birthday/Iron Dog-type/snowmachine party in Anchorage. A nice, mellow party, until the Palins show up,” Coyne wrote. “There’s beer, of course, and maybe other things. Which is all fine, but just about the time when some people might have had one too many, a Track Palin stumbles out of a stretch Hummer, and immediately spots an ex-boyfriend of Willow’s. Track isn’t happy with this guy, the story goes. There’s words, and more.”

“The owner of the house gets involved, and he probably wished he hadn’t,” Coyne continued. “At this point, he’s up against nearly the whole Palin tribe: Palin women screaming. Palin men thumping their chests. Word is that Bristol has a particularly strong right hook, which she employed repeatedly, and it’s something to hear when Sarah screams, ‘Don’t you know who I am!’ And it was particularly wonderful when someone in the crowd screamed back, ‘This isn’t some damned Hillbilly reality show!’”

This is like the least unexpected news ever.

It’s A Very Building #7 9/11 Kind Of Day. Also Too: Never Forget!

Truthers commemorate 9/11 with Times Square ad showing WTC 7 imploding on infinite loop

A group calling itself Architects & Engineers for 9/11 Truth is commemorating the thirteenth anniversary of the attacks on the World Trade Center by displaying a massive digital advertisement in Times Square that purports to show World Trade Center 7 (WTC 7) falling in a controlled demolition.

“WTC 7 came down in a classic controlled demolition,” the advertisement claims. “The government says fire brought it down, but anyone who watches the video can see otherwise.” Behind those words, video of WTC 7 falling repeats on a loop.

The digital advertisement is 15 seconds long, and will be displayed on 45-foot by 45-foot screens that will be visible, the group claims, to almost 100,000 people daily — including employees of The New York Times.

Nothing is ever so bad that we can’t make it much much worse

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Condoleezza Rice: NFL commissioner?

Now, some are saying Condoleezza Rice — who expressed an interest in the NFL job before — should replace Goodell. A Tuesday editorial in The Washington Post wrote that the NFL is “an institution in dire need” of Rice’s help, with a blaring headline: “Condi Rice: The one person who could save the NFL.”

According to a 2002 story in The New York Times, “[Rice] wants to be commissioner of the National Football League. She is serious. ‘That’s absolutely right,’ she said, ‘though not immediately and not before Paul Tagliabue is ready to step down. I want to say that for the record.’”

What could possibly be better than replacing the guy who pronounced sentence on Ray Rice before bothering to get all the facts with the former National Security Adviser who blew off an intelligence report entitled “Bin Ladin Determined To Strike in US," because it didn’t give her the exact date and time?

The poor (who make $400K per year) you will always have among you

How can you make $400,000 dollars a year and still feel like you’re just getting by?

Yes, how? How can that happen? Why is that happening? Where are we? Am I taking crazy pills? Let’s forget that the median middle-class household income peaked at $56,080 in 1999 and it stands at roughly $50,017 now. Welcome to examples of the shrinking middle class, Wall Street Journal. Give us a financial breakdown that we can all relate to, please.

The average American really needs to cut back on those ‘club dues’….

This is the most American story ever

Police say an argument between parents and a coach at a junior football league practice in Kansas escalated into a fight involving gunfire.

Police say one man complained that his son was not getting enough playing time during Monday evening’s practice at Linwood Park in Wichita. Then six men surrounded the coach and started punching him.

Police say one of the parents was armed with brass knuckles and another indicated he had a gun.

Then the coach’s wife pulled out a gun and fired a shot into the air. Police say the coach subsequently went to his car where he retrieved a second gun and threatened the men with it.

His assailants fled before officers arrived and confiscated both guns.

No one was seriously hurt and no arrests were made.

U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

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