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Dropkick Me, Jesus

Muslim NFL player penalized for praying after touchdown

A Muslim football player was penalized during Monday night’s nationally-televised game for praying after scoring a touchdown, SB Nation reported.

Officials cited Kansas City Chiefs wide receiver Husain Abdullah for “unsportsmanlike conduct” for dropping to the ground and kneeling after scoring a touchdown against New England.

According to SB Nation, Abdullah practices the traditional Muslim fast during Ramadan, even though it coincides with training camp, and missed the 2012 season so that he could take part in the Hajj to Mecca with his brother Hamza Abdullah, a former NFL player.

Atlas Shrugged: The Shruggening

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No discussion of Ayn Rand and Atlas Shrugged would be complete without this gem from John Rogers:

“There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.” [Kung Fu Monkey — Ephemera, blog post, March 19, 2009]”

Now we know why Kansas is so big

Facing tax shortfall, Kansas approves online sex toy auction to recoup lost tax revenue

In an effort to make up for nonpayment of income, withholding and sales taxes, the state of Kansas has approved the online auction of sex toys and DVD’s by a businessman to bring his tax debt current.

[….} the auction includes, “a Pipedream Fantasy Love Swing, books, hundreds of DVDs, sex and drinking games, a wide assortment of sexually oriented equipment, the carrying cases for devices, the Glass Pleasure Wand, bundles of lingerie and the Cyberskin Foot Stroker.”

Pennsylvania One-Four-Oh Oh Oh

Sarah Palin fails to stick the landing on her big Voter Values joke:

Palin accused critics of “pulling the race card” to avoid debating conservative ideas regarding economic and political policies from not only herself, but former Rep. Allen West (R-FL), Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) and his father Rafael, and Fox News contributor Ben Carson.

“You can’t defeat our argument, so all you can do the subject,” she said. “So we win.”

Palin also attempted to allude to the White House, but botched the address. “You don’t retreat — you reload the truth,” she said. “Which I know is an endangered species at 1400 Pennsylvania Avenue, anyway, truth.”

The actual address for the White House is 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue in Washington, D.C. A local hotel, the Willard, stands at 1401 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Ha ha. Shut up, dumb lady.

Spankin’ Jesus is your new childhood boogie-man

Nothing teaches a child the love of Jesus like a good whuppin’, says guy who probably should be kept 500 feet away from elementary schools:

But, how can the infliction of physical discomfort convey love and impart wisdom to an otherwise petulant soul? Corporal punishment is inflicted in a myriad of forms, spanking, paddling, and dad’s worn leather belt come to mind. It’s never pleasant, and it inflicts pain of different orders on the recipient as well as on the parent who feels compelled by the deepest impulse of love.

[…]

Sometimes, the only remedy for impish pride is the experience of a moment of humility. Love does not countenance rebellion that leads to spiritual destruction. In fact, a fundamental characteristic of love is doing the difficult work of discipline. The Bible is clear on this point, “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.”Proverbs 13:24

Furthermore, a society populated by people that have learned at home how to govern their own pride and passions are essential to the functioning of a democratic republic. Simply put, only a self-governing, self-restrained people are capable of possessing political liberty. A free man must be his own despot. This self-governance must be taught at home and, when necessary, imparted by a parent’s dispassionate chastisement.

Remember: the Tree of Liberty must from time to time be refreshed with the tears of children. Bleeding optional.

Tickets $2, Popcorn $40 at the Weedlord Multiplex

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Colorado has already set many marijuana milestones, but the drug is still far from fully mainstreamed. While Amendment 64 calls for cannabis to be regulated in a manner “similar to alcohol,” would-be pot bars and other public smoking venues have run into problem after problem.

That’s inconvenient for local smokers, who can always toke up at home. But it creates a catch-22 for tourists looking to get high without breaking the letter of the law: It’s essentially legal for them to buy pot, but illegal for them to smoke it in any place they might visit, or to take it home with them.

A local couple aims to correct that with the Scarlet Theater. The Gilpin County facility would offer a bring-your-own-marijuana smoking lounge, a restaurant and a theater screening indie and classic movies.

In a loophole reminiscent of Utah’s old alcohol laws, tourists would have to buy a membership to the Scarlet, but could then smoke with impunity, proprietors Kelly and Ash McGonigal said. The couple is running a crowd-funding campaign to get the theater off the ground.

This one time, at band camp, we raffled off some guns. Wait. What?

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I’m sure this seemed like it was a good idea at the time:

A Comeaux High Band fundraiser, in which 52 guns were set to be raffled off, has been nixed by the Lafayette Parish School System.

Lafayette Parish School Board member Mark Cockerham says he met with LPSS Supt. Pat Cooper Wednesday to see if there would be a way to continue the fundraiser in which band members already may have sold as many as 50 tickets at $50 each, a total that would approximate $2,500. According to parents and family of Comeaux High students, the school band, beginning the first week of January, would have randomly drawn a gun winner during each of the 52 weeks of 2015. Cockerham said that the fundraiser had been approved on the school level, but that the school system is not on board with that type of fundraiser.

[…]

All gun winners would have undergone a background check with a gun dealership in another parish, Cockerham explains.

"It’s not like they would have just given somebody a gun," Cockerham clarifies.

Well that is a relief….

Robots are trying to kill Rush Limbaugh and steal his Oxy

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OMG, you guys! A no-so-secret cabal of anarcho-Twittercalist bomb-throwers are trying to technology-kill Rush Limbaugh with technology.

1st Amendment is under attack, etc etc etc, blah-biddy blah blah blah:

While the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee (DCCC) is presenting its current anti-Rush campaign as a genuine repudiation of out-of-context remarks Limbaugh made on his radio show (replete with a fundraising email from Sandra Fluke), the Stop Rush effort is small, organized and existed long before the most recent controversial Limbaugh comments.

The activists even use technology to “machine-tweet” anti-Rush comments in robotic fashion to ensure maximum Twitter exposure for their insular group’s efforts.

Let’s see….Three Laws of Robotics:

  1. A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
  2. A robot must obey the orders given to it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
  3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.

Well, he ‘s not actually being harmed. So it’s probably cool.

Cop. Killers.

Ferguson Police last night:

Confirmed by Wesley Lowrey:

…  But Capt. Ron Johnson already give his  tacit approval:

Harry Potter is your new Jesus

Author’s Note: Hello, friends! My name is Grace Ann. I’m new to this whole fanfiction thing; but recently, I’ve encountered a problem that I believe this is the solution to. My little ones have been asking to read the Harry Potter books; and of course I’m happy for them to be reading; but I don’t want them turning into witches! So I thought….. why not make some slight changes so these books are family friendly? And then I thought, why not share this with all the other mommies who are facing the same problem? So-Ta da! Here it is! I am SO excited to share this with all of you! So, without further ado-

And IT. IS. MAGIC!

"Christians are people who want to be good," Hagrid explained wisely; and crouched down so he was on eye level with Harry. "We want to go to heaven after we die. Do you know what heaven is, Harry?"

Harry shook his head; and his big eyes were wide and curious.

"Heaven is a beautiful place where we can be with God."

Aunt Petunia smacked her hands over Harry’s young ears; and her voice was sickly sweet when she said, “Thank you very much for your concern, sir, but he does not need your religion, he has science and socialism and birthdays. Haven’t you heard of Evolution? I have a very good textbook on Evolution that I could give you on it if you would like to learn things.”

Hagrid laughed wisely. “Evolution is a fairytale. You don’t really believe that, do you?”

"Yes, I do!" Aunt Petunia screeched.

"Well then prove it!"

Aunt Petunia could only stare at him; and her big mouth hung open dumbly. Here she thought she was so educated; and always demanded that Christians prove what they believed in; but she couldn’t even prove her own religion. It was then that Harry knew who the smart one here was!

"Tell me how to get to this heaven place!" Harry cried wistfully, clasping his hands together. Sometimes, the wisdom of little ones is really amazing. We think we grownups know it all; but then God speaks through the mouths of little ones; and shows us how we are all mortals struggling along the path of life. Humility.

"All you have to do is be saved. Do you want to be saved?"

"I do, I do!" Harry squealed, jumping up and down.

"Then pray the sinner’s prayer!"

There is SO. MUCH. MORE.

Have you ever met that funny, funny reefer man?

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Seattle’s elected prosecutor says he’s dropping all tickets issued for the public use of marijuana through the first seven months of this year, because most of them were issued by a single police officer who disagrees with the legal pot law.

In a briefing to the City Council on Monday, City Attorney Pete Holmes said he is moving to dismiss approximately 100 tickets issued by the Seattle Police Department between Jan. 1 and July 31. His office also said it would be seeking a refund for those who have already paid their $27 ticket.

Through the first six months of the year, a single officer wrote about 80 percent of the tickets, addressing some of them to “Petey Holmes” or writing that he considered the pot law “silly.”

The officer, Randy Jokela, is now under official investigation by the department’s Office of Professional Accountability.

In one ticket, the officer wrote that he found two people smoking marijuana and made them flip a coin to decide which person would be cited.

"(Suspect) lost the coin flip so he got the ticket while the other person walked. (Suspect) was allowed to keep his pipe," the ticket reads.

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